đź”® Lady Gyppo's horoscope of the month

Aries: Play more with your dog, cat, or… your bird. Your pet deserves it.
Taurus If you're thinking about getting a tattoo of your mother's name, forget it. Your wife or husband will always think he is a fifth wheel.
Gemini What if you decide to call the plumber to fix the blessed toilet bowl instead of talking to him about football?
Cancer The stars say you're not going to do even one thing right this week. But hey, Lady Gyppo has nothing to do with it; blame it on the stars, okay?
Leo The planet needs you: leave on an icebreaker ship and come back when the urge to argue with everyone over any nonsense is gone.
Virgo Are you undecided between platinum blonde, chocolate brown or a beautiful fuchsia? If the answer is yes, don't worry: the hairdresser ... will do her own thing!
Libra Jupiter is in conjunction with Saturn; Saturn understands Mars, and Mars is moving away from Venus. And do you still wonder why everything is going shit?
Scorpio The occasion I see for you this week is ... that camping tent with an 80% discount! Does camping make you sick? Well, let it do!
Sagittarius Breathe, inhale, exhale, pinch yourself. You are not dreaming: it is the turn of that cute delivery boy who lost your package last time!
Capricorn Damn, I can't believe it: you still haven't decided for yourself whether mayonnaise is better than ketchup on fries...
Aquarius Mercury says to rewatch the film "Forget Paris", so you know what you risk with great long-distance loves. Quiet, the film is funny. But, it is the reality that will make you cry.
Pisces Brilliant, intelligent, witty, fascinating, you belong to the most beautiful sign of the Zodiac. I don't understand why others disagree! 
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